The Reoccurring Dream

I had a dream last night, basically, a reoccurring nightmare of sorts. In these dreams, I am trying to go somewhere, and something stops me, over and over again. Sometimes, I am trying to meet with someone or go pick up my daughter. This time, I was trying to get to a street that at first, I could remember the name of but I didn’t even think of putting in my phone, I just started walking. When I realized I was not finding my way, I took out my phone to put in the address but could’t remember the name of the street. I tried typing in different things, and whatever I tried to type kept being wrong - I couldn’t even get to the right search screen to type it in, I kept hitting the wrong keys, and I couldn’t remember the street at all. I have a sense of going down one street, and another, and turning around, and not being sure, and being frustrated and extremely annoyed that I did not know how to get there. At some point, I was with my boyfriend who knew where I had to go (he always does, in real life) and he told me go ahead, I’d be able to figure it out. He was very encouraging. So I tried again.

This dream did not end like most of my dreams. Any time I have ever had a dream like this before (which I have every few weeks), I am frustrated the whole time. I wake up feeling that anxiety of frustration left over in my body all day. I feel like I hardly slept all night but just searched, and felt frustrated the whole time. This time, I got the message that I needed. After my boyfriend told me I could figure it out, I started walking, and I heard someone call to their dog in that sing-song way “Himmelman! Himmelman! Himmelman!” And I realized that this was not only their dog, but the street I needed! And I remember telling my boyfriend how life is full of synchronicities, and we only have to ask for help and look for signs to be guided. I woke up feeling fulfilled and relaxed, and that I had a resolution for my search.

This dream very much mirrors my life. I am searching in my life, always searching: searching for the right thing to do, to make sure that I am really doing what aligns with my purpose, and I often don’t settle on something for fear it is not exactly right. So that’s the reoccurring nightmare part. And, I believe, the cause of my chronic migraines. But finally figuring out that life has clues, that I can follow my intuition, that any signpost or person talking, even to someone else, can be an answer or a sign on my path, is such an important lesson in my life. It is particularly amazing to feel like I am getting this message deeply enough to finally dream that way too. I did not wake up frustrated and tired from a long night of searching, but instead felt like I was on track, aligned, and doing the right thing, even though, I haven’t actually changed anything.

So today, after this dream, I did change something. This is my first blog post. I have been wanting to do a podcast, or a blog, for the past ten years. Yes. Ten. But I wasn’t sure how, or if I could be consistent, or if it was actually a good use of my time, or… a million excuses to keep me from actually doing the thing. So when I was journaling this morning about my dream, and lots of other things, I revisited the idea of doing a blog. I have been thinking of a lot of things this year, and two things have been themes: getting back to doing photography creatively, and the continued path of conscious awakening. That is a big topic, I know. I suppose that’s the beauty of a blog to me - I can feature photographs for the creative part, and delve into a variety of topics that are around conscious awakening such as Intuition, life purpose, our higher selves and connection to source, the Sacred Feminine, sustainability, and so much more. So I am going to share this journey of knowledge gathering and processing, for myself, and for others like me, who are going through similar big, messy, and beautiful discoveries. 

So the overall thought I’m leaving you with today, is to look for signs and synchronicities. To recognize that you are on the path; that you have asked to know something, and answers are all around you. I will definitely be talking about this again, as intuition has been a particular focus of mine over the past few years and I love to talk about it. It is so important of a skill to hone, and we all have access to it, no matter if you currently feel it or not. We’ll definitely be circling back to it soon.

As far as this blog and why I haven't done anything like this in the last ten years, I am not going to let perfection stop me this time. I am already thinking how I need to edit what I just wrote, and sure, I’ll go through it, but I will try not to rip it apart, and worse, just not send it at all. No, this is going out to the world. Maybe I’ll talk next time about how hard that particular move is for me. Anyone else? Hard time expressing yourself publicly, online or otherwise? Yeah, that’s me for sure. We obviously have lots of talk about. I hope to see you here again.